Despite my best efforts, requests to be upgraded from cattle to business class on British Airways remained unfulfilled. Even upon arrival, my sugar- sweet requests to pay, yes - I tell you, pay to use the arrival Club Class lounge  were refused.

Good news though, is that 10 minutes walk across a sky bridge, is the Hilton Hotel which, for just 10 pounds lets one use the gym and shower facilities. What a deal, I thought. On arrival at the hotel, the noisy air engines still in my ears, I didn't realise the alarm was sounding and the hotel was evacuating.

Now I'm at Starbucks - having enjoyed a bacon and egg pannini, panne chocolate and grande cappu  waiting for my taxi to collect me. Ah, the wonders of cattle-class travel.