Brushing up our buffet skills

There are many reasons why people overeat. For me, food has been both my celebratory partner and my commiserating solace and there is no better food experience to take full advantage of either emotional extreme than the buffet.

Balducci’s Royal Sushi Bar, V&A Waterfront. 021-421-6002
I was alarmed that Balducci hiked the price of their Sunday eat-all-you-can-and-then-some-more sushi special so shortly after my visit. I hope the timing was coincidence rather than a review of their food costs.

This buffet will cost you. But, if you’re serious about sushi and serious about eating lots of it, R180 per person is not as outrageous as it sounds.

This is the best sushi I have tasted. Ever. And if you look at the usual menu, six slices of sashimi will cost you R50. Look at it this way: at one swallow per slice, you’re already eating as their guest after the first few minutes.

Do not miss out on the Seafood Salad, which tastes as good as it looks, and try to limit your intake of rice, which bulks you up rather more quickly than you would like. The mackerel sashimi is as divine as the octopus and I recommend that you be adventurous and order things you don’t usually. Remember, it's free after the first half-an-hour, anyway.

I cannot offer a critical word about the food. Truly magnificent. The venue favours eating alone as our rather rowdy group had to contort ourselves and annoy fellow diners to cope with the snake-like configuration of the seating.

Another tip is just to ask the waitress to bring items off the menu until you’re feeling full rather than ordering a new dish only after you’re finished one. At R140 a head this was a popular culinary gorge and I doubt if the hike to R180 will dent its appeal. The best time to go is early afternoon and prepare by avoiding breakfast and lunch.

Jacky’s Chinese Restaurant. Delmar Centre, Panorama. Tel: 021-930-0770
This must have been Cape Town’s best kept secret. You must book and I suggest you book right now.

At R40 a head, a menu that offers 17 eat-all-you-can dishes must arouse some suspicion. I tentatively tried the chicken sweetcorn soup, expecting a gelatinous mess of cornflower and MSG, yet found a most delicious soup. I’ve had the benefit of eating at the finest Chinese restaurants here and in Malaysia and the lesson I’ve learned is that the differences between a superb and average meal is subtle. Let me not mislead you; Jacky’s is far from haute cuisine but at R40 who would expect haute? Hot, yes. The hostess periodically dipped into the kitchen only to return with piping-hot replenishments, which suggests to me that she was preparing the food as well as running the restaurant.

Prepare yourself for soup and spring rolls as a starter followed by a delicious sweet ‘n sour salad, calamari, pork and chicken. Beef fillet in black bean sauce, beef in oyster sauce, Shanghai steak, BBQ chicken wings... the list goes on and on. I was amazed by the quality of the food, particularly by the vegetarian chow mein which, together with the egg fried rice and soup sans chicken, kept the irascible vegetarian happy.

Jacky’s was jam-packed and I did feel a little selfconscious queuing for the fourth time for honey chicken and noodles.

A fitful night of indigestion followed, which had more to do with the quantity I consumed than the quality of the food, although I’m sure the nation's oil reserves must be hard pressed. At this price, I think Jacky’s is the best deal in town.

Mac Rib, Holiday Inn, Waterfront. Tel: 021-409-4000
We took up their special offer of the usual R68 carvery buffet at R48 (until the end of July) if you booked in advance so not only relished the vast expanse of edibles but also our good fortune at the price.

As themed restaurants go this one is of the least offensive and, because time was tight, we went straight for the buffet, which offered a host of salads. The butter bean with tuna and onions was particularly interesting and their (rather clumsy) take on a caprese salad with tomato wedges and cheddar blocks a highlight.

The main buffet, three meats (beef, pork and chicken) and around 12 bubbling cast-iron pots with vegetables, curries and stews, is inviting. Expect lowbrow food and you’ll be thrilled. The pumpkin was my favourite: just the way we had it at home, sweet and fragrant and the meats were well prepared and succulent.

I went back three times for a delicious nondescript brown beef stew, but my vegetarian friend, who moaned throughout his meal, found the vegetable curry and salads insufficient. The creamed spinach was gritty but, to the hotel’s credit, it was whisked away the moment the moaning vegetarian pointed out that gravel was included in his list of no-nos. Frankly, the grit didn’t bother me -- in fact, it added some texture to an otherwise creamy mush.
At R48, this buffet is superb value so do get there before it reverts to R68.

4 Seasons, 132 Voortrekker Road, Goodwood. Tel: 021-591-0919
Unlike Jacky’s, where quality is not related to price, the R45 per head for the 4 Seasons buffet is overpriced. I had visited this establishment about two years ago with a large group where I had a far better meal. In fact, our experience on a Tuesday night was so bad that I considered not reviewing it at all.

There is plenty of food and a sumptuous looking dessert buffet but the venue offers no décor to speak of and while I enjoy KFM, I don’t care to hear the radio at a restaurant. Think of 4 Seasons as last week’s supper at a Potchefstroom twenty-first birthday party and you’re almost there.

As we were the only table in the restaurant that evening the service was ubiquitous if not intrusive and the quality of the food so poor that I cannot but think it was not freshly prepared. To their credit, they waited until we arrived (we’d made a booking, you see) before frying the fish, calamari and potatoes. It wasn’t all bad; the roast potatoes were nice and the trifle with different coloured jellies nostalgic. The bread and butter pud with coconut was also good but not good enough to rescue the evening. I hope they were having a bad night and that our experience was not an indication of what the 4 Seasons usually offers its guests.

Buffets in brief:

Tobagos Restaurant, Radisson Hotel, Granger Bay. Tel: 021-418-5729
Lunch and dinner buffet R135 per person Monday to Friday and R145 at weekends. I recommend Sunday brunch. Ask for a table at the window. Five-star food to match the view.

Jonkershuis Restaurant at Spier, Stellenbosch 021-809-1109
Excellent Cape buffet. Memorable bobotie, chicken pie and malva pudding. Great for visitors to Cape Town. R135 per head.

Afternoon Tea, The Mount Nelson, Gardens. Tel: 021-483-1000
Impossibly overpriced and filled with self importance, the tea buffet at R85 per person at the Mount Nelson is only worthwhile it you take along a tome by Oscar Wilde or Walt Whitman and chatter loudly in a posh accent about scansion and other nonsense while rearranging the chintz and floral print cushions.

Beautiful cakes, delicate petit fours, delicious scones with clotted cream and mellifluous munchies are now enjoyed by the masses, who move around the buffet table like strangers at an Arthur Murray session.

I noticed that those heavy silver teapots that used to burn my fingers have been replaced by nondescript ersatz china that makes the Nellie today feel more like the Table Bay.

Kosmos Taverna, Claremont 021-683-7586, Table View 021-556-0027 Durbanville 021-976-2904
Open nightly from 6pm. R65 a head for a slap-up Greek/Mediterranean buffet. Don’t fill up on the mezes; rather head straight for the deep-fried prawns and calamari. The food is very rich and although I’m a regular visitor, overeating at Kosmos seems to have more consequences than overeating elsewhere. If you can manage a modicum rather than a mountain, Kosmos provides a wonderful night out. For vegetarians, the vegetable moussaka is a good option. Great for celebrations.