An African Rainforest Experience to wash away stress

Global Warming may take its toll by agitating weather systems, but one place where there is no need to panic is at the Western Cape Hotel and Spa’s new African Rainforest Experience which cost investors R7.5 million as part of the Spa’s revamp and clients a paltry R180 for the basics by comparison.

Imagine yourself on an intimate date with Storm – the mutant X-Man babe whose eyes turn misty before the heavens do, except her name is Wilma and she’s a tidy package of spa professional and tour leader. The African Rain Forest experience is a bit like this: First Wilma removes your dead-skin cells with a sea-salt and grape-seed oil rub. Next you’re escorted to a steam room where you work at increasing your core temperature. I didn’t want the cold shower afterwards and I protested but she pouted – “do it for me” so I did.
The sauna is next. I’m beginning to get the picture. Subject the body to alternating heating and cooling that it gets such a fright and begins purging the toxins that lie in wait to sabotage the liver and deposit acids in your joints.

So far nothing’s new – I subject myself to the same rigours on a regular basis at The Point Virgin Active where, since they’ve replaced the steam room lights with blue ones, I have to restrain myself from singing like Marlene Dietrich.
 

Sense of Privacy

Now Storm comes into her own. Sitting in an essential-oil infused mist chamber (alcove is probably a better way of describing it) is fabulous. I started singing Johnny Mathis’ Misty but was shushed by the folks in the next section. The biggest part of Wilma’s job, it appeared, was moving people along this stormy route in such a way that while we were no alone, we had a sense of privacy.

When High Rustenburg Hydro in Stellenbosch was in its heyday, it had none of the niceties of today’s spa experiences – we were there to be detoxed and whipped into shape and no mollycoddling would be permitted. I recall the Sitz baths – alternating limbs in hot and cold water to improve circulation. They’ve used the same idea here, but just for the feet, which you move from hot to cold (one minute in the hot – three in the cold), repeated three time. This was the least comfortable part of the experience for me. Imagine adjacent fish bowls with river-bed stones then think about them squeezed in front of a 747 economy class seat. For folks with fat thighs such as I have, or big kahoonas, it is uncomfortable to fit both feet at once in the alternating fish bowels.

The highlight of the experience was the rain for which we’d come. A note first about the décor: chocolate brown walls and the clever use of leather thongs succeed in creating a forest-type experience and obvious care has been taken with the design to be visually pleasing. I especially liked the warm, non-slip floors.
 

And the rain came down

The rules are explained: first lie on your back and press the button that says rain – after three minutes it will stop. Turn over and press the button that says pulse. I have experienced rain showers before, but never like this and never laying down which makes all the difference. After being subjected to the cold shower earlier, I feared the rain would not only be wet but cold too. Perhaps the greatest relief, and the best relaxation of the experience, came when I realized it was an Amazonian warm rain and not a Cape chill.

The final stage is R&R – Wilma will tip-toe you off to the candle room where you can sleep for 30-minutes under the covers. After the first few moments I was bored. Staring up at ceiling and thinking again that they achieved privacy without creating barriers which was the mark of excellent décor.
I didn’t wait the full 30 minutes, and after about 10 I went to find Wilma.

Sipping iced water in the waiting area I could start to feel the benefits of the treatment. I heard the warnings about the body being in detox mode, and I should steer away from alcohol and heavy meals for the evening but like the instructions to relax earlier, I again ignored her advice, called housekeeping to have the fire in the suite lit and popped open the bottle of champagne management had left in the suite.

The Western Cape Hotel & Spa, 028-284-0000.

Brian Berkman was the guest of The Western Cape Hotel & Spa.